Flotsam

Descending the ferry ramp
My mother and brother wait for me
I've got new loafers on
I've been gone a week
Gram and Grampa took me to Virginia
I hand dipped a candle
I rode a roller coaster with a stranger
I got my period
I got embarrassed
I said to Gram "I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place"

It's October but it's still warm
The sky is grey
Whitecaps dot the harbor
I don't know yet
But I will

"Joey and Adam are gone."
"Fred and Sonny with them."
"I didn't want to tell you while you were gone, didn't want to frighten you."
"They were fishing in the Sound."
"Sudden squall."
"Didn't come home."
"Boat, dog, Sonny not found."
"Other fishermen pulled them up."
"Two days in the water."

My first funeral
2 boys younger than I
2 fathers
3 caskets
because if one person is missing
he can't be buried

A line out the door
snaking through the parking lot
My dress isn't right
White with blue flowers
I wore it to the spelling bee
It should be dark, right?
Black?

Standing
Waiting
Trying not to look
But the boys
They're so small
My size
Faces fish-nibbled and purple
Even through the mortician's makeup

This is island life
The ocean in which you play
Will take what it likes
Return what it chooses
Even when the taken
Are children
Fathers
Dogs
Boats
Things that are not its to take
A kleptomaniac for lives
And even those left living
Keep shrines
Untouched bedrooms
Parts of themselves also dead
Never to be returned
Or buried

We talk about widow's walks
How whalers' wives would pace and wait
Atop the roofs of their homes
The architecture has fallen out of favor
The pacing left private, indoors
Instead of mourning periods
We hide it behind shrine doors
Clutching teddy bears
Baseball caps
Smelling the ones we've lost
And soaking their fabric with salt