 The warmth of a word
Written in your hand Kindles in me Embers emblazoning my bones If I open my mouth The light will leak out Pouring from me Golden as a summer sunrise So I purse my lips Smiling Letting it bubble and fizz Within my chest It's too soon to let it out To allow it to tumble luminous Uncontrolled Over the whole of me I am a secret kept Necessarily for a time But oh, how I'll glow When the moment arrives
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 The meaning
To life The universe To everything Is squeezing love from lemons Sweetening them with sorrow Melting the ice in your veins And drinking every tart drop Until it's dry Starting over the next day Perhaps it's limes Or mud Drops of dew Sitting on your tongue With nothing to ease the journey As you swallow Acid Dirt Pain Turning to joy in your belly At the sound of a laugh A gentle touch A feather floating impossibly slowly to the ground Until whimper or bang And it's done  You played me for a fool
But I turned the table and won Bought your twenty dollar violin And proved it a Stradivarius I made mistakes Knowing you were among them While I was waiting for the right thing To reveal itself to me Knowing what you want And grasping it between your hands Are two different things A goal set isn't always a goal achieved When the bar is higher than your arms can reach You were water Meant to flow under the bridge Never able to be the bridge itself Standing solid and supportive I let you pass unimpeded Just to bide time I still feel like I failed Myself for settling You for promising my life And not giving it  Nothing looks the way it should
Trying to find acceptance in my skin Marked and pale as the moon I stare at the mirror This isn't vanity It is someone new Wearing my eyes She moves when I do And I want to ask her name Where she came from I wonder if I would understand her answer If it would be loud enough Or even in the same language My tongue thickens at the thought While her pantomime continues Mute Mocking Daring As if expecting me to have the answers But I don't I don't know her  I keep reading it over
Unable to believe it's true Without seeing the words What I want is never easy Mercurial and shifting Beading up Slipping away Leaving only the worst parts with me I hoped for so long So hard My breath held waiting Thinking I could stop time But my lungs couldn't bear it Exhausted, gasping afresh My chest expanding without me The time kept passing I made decisions Hoping to force you To the back of my mind But your roots run deep Fusing themselves to the core of me Seamlessly incorporated Where you always should have been Now always will be You're in each heartbeat Every step Easy as blinking And nothing has changed Except the knowing That sometimes you get what you want Sometimes it wants you back Sometimes it conjures courage and tells you So you can keep reading it over Eventually believing it's true  On the road with the sun at my back
I know I'm going the wrong way The cord stretching taut Where I'd only just felt slack Nobody can see Like the tiny holes in my dress But I know it's there Separation's anxiety It isn't fair The way we censor ourselves Thinking that by not saying it We can protect ourselves from it Making three tiny words profane Like the emperor's new armor And a styrofoam sword Just because you don't say it Doesn't mean it's not there It grows inside you Twining its leaves with your veins Its perfume blooming on your breath Beautiful A weed Some would try To pluck or poison But I will let it flourish Take me over Make me more than I was before I may not sleep Or eat Or dream of anything but this And it will be worth it To freely say I love you  I have been watching the greening
Passively observing the world around me As the buds timidly peek from the tip of tree limbs Actively observing the same in my own life Barren and brown for a long and lonely March I'd stopped hoping my spring would come Despite the hints dropped along the way But April came with warmer weather Sunshine so bright I can't open my eyes Where confessions bloom alongside crocus The color thrown a eureka moment And I can't stop smiling Or the flow of happy tears I waited so long In a winter that wouldn't end That I became it I shuttered the windows Locked the doors Took in the welcome mat Froze in place Knowing the only guest I wanted was you Not knowing if you'd ever ring the bell I still can't believe the chime Or the green warmth you bear Because it's still only April The killing frost can still come But I hope you'll stay  I have been waiting
For these feelings to fade Expecting to wake up one morning Only to find the spark extinguished while we slept But the moment doesn't come As the minutes have turned to hours Days Weeks Months Now years I still thrill at the idea of you Fizz in the pit of my stomach A sting at my tear duct As you find new ways To make me feel In places I thought went cold Blown away as dust By breezes I no longer remember I resisted then Afraid or unwilling To admit I was worth the time And the kindness of gentle words You persisted Unafraid and willing To devote long hours to convincing me Knowing proof is in the staying Rather than in the spoken You wore down the walls With the antithesis of force Choosing patience over prodding Dropping rough gems of endearment In my path The dull glint attractive to me in ways The glare of false promise could never be We speak the words of depth rarely Playing at mere tolerance of one another Like children on Opposite Day But we both know the truth Sitting warm and firm at the bases of us Our beneficial battle of wills Repeating "you're stuck with me." |
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