Chiaroscuro

I am a portrait in chiaroscuro
Projecting light
Tinged with stark darkness
A smile on my lips
That won't reach my eyes
Sadness pooling there


I've been crying a lot lately
Something I don't show unless I'm caught unaware
The moment in the coffee shop
"Like missing a step at the top of a flight of dark stairs"
All the looking up
All the don't fucking do this right now
Didn't stop the tears from slipping out the corners
Shaming me
For the feelings I still have


I was in the water for fifteen years
Treading
Arms and legs rhythmically waving
While you sat on my shoulders
Sure I inhaled a little water here and there
But I made sure we both made it
Every minute
Of every day
I didn't think I had a choice
We both go down together


The wind picked up
Tossed you away
With a wave
I didn't know I'd have to brace against
Shore was so much closer than I thought


I've been standing here in the sand
My toes are cold and pruny
And I'm watching you drown
Torn between getting in with you again
Or turning my back on the storm tossed sea
Walking away down the path through the bluffs