He did as I asked

Ten months ago today
He moved out
Garbage bags filled with clothes
Our dog
His cat


I steadied myself
Against the shoulder of my friend
As sobs shook us both
"Take care of her" he said
"I can't stay long" she told me
"Come back to the shop where
We will feed you and kiss you
And let you cry with people who love you"
I refused this offer
Chose instead to disassemble
The first bed we'd bought together
Letting my catching breath echo
Over the bare walls


Too many realistic expectations
Stacked upon his incapable back
I had unburdened myself
Of the things he should have carried
Declared I would not lift them again
A shocking revelation
From an overtired pack animal
A sudden recognition
Of self indulgence and not sacrifice


One week ago today
I ate pie for breakfast
In a brand new dress
And red lipstick
Brave face, Buttercup
For hopefully the last time
Free finally of the things that held me down


But even after so much time
The tears still come unwanted
Missing the bite marks in blocks of cheese
The smell of the inside of his ear after he'd woken
The quirky hop-step as he hurried on his way


I sleep better now
Sprawled across the too big mattress
Limbs akimbo
No longer wary that the body next to me
Will stop breathing
I don't dream of him leaving me
Waking with a start
Cold tears still wet in my hair
Because for once
He did as I asked