These stakes

It only hurts when I think about it
The secret of me
Kept hidden not like a surprise
But buried like a crime


I’m an object of shame
In spite of the pride in your voice
This wasn’t what I wanted
As the months pass us by


But that doesn’t matter, does it?
It can’t
Not with these stakes
Pounded into the ground around me
Higher than I can reach
Prison and paradise as the coin flips
I perpetually pay penance
For your perceived sin


My integrity slips from me
As I sleep
Distracted by dreams of waking next to you
My imagination making me real in your arms
The curse broken


It only hurts when I think about it
And I think about it always